A recent excavation of ancient South American ruins revealed a startling discovery. It appears that the demise of this beloved prehistoric pussycat can be traced to its love of pudgy Paleolithic people.

No longer content with dining on deer or antelope, the gato perezoso (spanish for “lazy cat”) chose to modify its diet and feast exclusively on slow moving humans.

Feline fossil findings in Argentina and Brazil continue to confound experts. All signs point to profound patterns of gastric growth.

“There is significant evidence showing a switch in the saber-tooth tiger’s diet” reports archeologist Dave Diggums. “Their normal fast food provided a lean and healthy source of protein, but it was often difficult to catch.”

“At some point” Dave continues, “They simply started using the man caves as their preferred dining option.”

Cardiologist Helen Hearting says “Consuming chubby cavemen contributed to the cardiovascular collapse of these carnivorous cats due to climbing cholesterol counts.”

“When you remove the chase from the hunt” Helen explains, “you also remove the heart healthy exercise that would normally keep these creatures fit and trim.”

I am sure we can all learn a valuable lesson from the demise of these Saber-Toothed felines, and apply it to our own dietary choices. Eat healthy, my friends!