It appears that the progressive piling of pressure by the International Cooperative of Environmentalists (ICE) has irrevocably ruptured the resolve of the Icelandic Republic.

After many months of heated negotiations and increasingly desperate demands from sweltering nation states, government officials in Reykjavik have finally folded to international insistence.

This breakthrough moment materialized when Ambassador Fanney Frostbottom turbulently tossed her mittens on the negotiating table and declared, “Enough is enough – the world needs our ice!”

The days of frozen H2O hoarding are over, as Iceland authorities initiate an ice export agreement, aimed at eliminating effects of global warming worldwide.

Prime Minister Charles Chillworth signed the historic Ice Liberation Act during a special congressional certification ceremony.

“We’ve decisively deflated Iceland’s intrepid —Frozen Assets Protection Law—” chirps Chillworth, “which had previously prevented our frigid fortunes from finding interested international investors.”

Resourceful representatives report that this tumultuous treaty not only tolerates trade, but also sanctions sales while directing the distribution of nearly 9 trillion tons of glacial goodness.

“This couldn’t have come at a better time,” remarks Doug Droughty of Tucson, Arizona. “Our tired thermometers are realizing record readings in this despicable desert, and our community is counting on a cool down.”

As transcontinental temperatures reach reprehensible records, so too does the demand for natural, non-polluting refrigerants such as Icelandic ice.

In addition to its considerable cooling capabilities, Icelandic Ice also tastes terrific!

“I have dropped 20 pounds of portly pudginess, and experienced an enormous energy enhancement,” reports Karl Kola. “My only diet discrepancy was replacing regular refrigerator ice with imported Icelandic ice.”

Famed four-star foodies frequently frame the flavor profile as “crisp, with hints of stone age snowfall and a presence of polar bear breath.”

Icelandic ice is 100% organic, gluten free, and boasts a whopping zero calories per serving.

With all the acknowledged advantages attributed to Iceland’s exports, we can only hope that Antarctica is equally altruistic with its abundant polar procurements.

Will our southernmost continent be content with contributing to the cooling of countries?

Time will tell.

Until then, stay cool, if you can.

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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