An alarming escalation in the accumulation of edibles has surprised shopping establishments everywhere.

Shortages, spurred by shoppers scared of scarcity, are causing crazed citizens to collect cans of consumables in a competitive clash of consumption,

“People are panicking as they purchase products” Charlie Checker says, “causing perilous pandemonium in our produce passageways.”

“Procuring purchases peacefully and in proper portions” Charlie continues, “is key to keeping consumers calm in communities.”

“I need a normal number of nourishing nutrients” says Shawn Shopler, “bulk buying by basket bullies is beginning to become a big bother.”

“Save some supplies for seniors” Shawn states, “so everyone, everywhere can enjoy enough edibles during this evolving emergency.”