Amateur arborist Thomas Treetle found himself stuck in a super-sized sequoia Saturday. The trouble transpired while tenaciously trimming the tall topiary.

“After an agonizing eleven minutes” Thomas recalls, “I knew I had no choice but to courageously chop away at this challenging crisis and correct my condition.”

“I was sawing the sprig and suddenly started sliding southward speedily.”

“Slamming sternly onto the stiff sod, I nearly shattered my spine.”

Relying on ready reinforcements reserved for such ruin, authorities acted expeditiously by responding rapidly to the request for resuscitation.

Medics managed to minimize the man’s muscle mutilation, mostly caused by the cascading collapse from the cedar canopy.

Will Thomas continue to traverse trunks to tidy the treetops after this terrible topple?

According to sources close to this passionate pruner of pines, he has affirmatively acknowledged his ambition to once again ascend an alder.